Parenting with Resilience Part 1 & 2

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Parenting with Resilience Part 1 & 2

Parents Hub Articles

3 March 2023

So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps 90:12

As a parent of three teenagers between 13yrs and 16yrs, I know firsthand how hard and long the days are. Most of us want to be good parents, who lovingly guide our kids to a place of health and independence without totally screwing them up. Yet our modern life is busy, we are faced with physical, environmental, financial and emotional challenges as we navigate this parenting gig.

Over the last year, our wellbeing program at RCC has focused on the theme of developing resilient students. As a staff body we see this as a critical character trait our students need for the world and the future they will face. Resiliency is a mindset and a process of adapting well to stress, suffering, failure and disappointments.

As parents we need to teach our kids how to think, feel and live when things are hard or don’t go our way. It’s what I like to call being ‘recovery ready’. Life is a journey with ups and downs. I believe as the adults in our children’s lives we have a limited time to parent in a way that builds resiliency. It starts by teaching our kids they have a choice to make when they are faced with hard stuff i.e., they can avoid it, blame others or become shameful, or they can learn from it, make adjustments and try again. The more opportunities we give our kids to practise the right choice, the stronger their ability becomes to adjust and finally it becomes an innate character trait.

On 28 February 2023, I had the privilege to speak to some parents about seven habits that will help them intentionally parent their kids for resiliency. Over the coming weeks I would like to share these with those of you who were not able to be with us on the night. The seven habits are listed in the image above.

In today’s issue of Tidings, I would like to focus on the first two: –

  1. Strong belief in the parent/child relationship. Despite your personal views, as a social scientist I need to remind you that as your child’s primary caregiver you are and will be the most significant human influence in your child’s life. It is normal to be concerned about outside influences and many of us spend a lot of time trying to control, avoid or shield our kids from external influences. Instead of using our God given ‘superpower’ as a parent to influence our kids. The only time outside influences trump, parental influence is when parents are either physically or emotionally absent. When we as parents check out, culture, social media, peers will happily step in and influence your child’s actions, beliefs and values. Your superpower is how you role model resilience to your kids. Since the day they were born they have been watching, mimicking, surveying our every move. They crave your influence in their lives.
  2. You need to be intentional when you parent. Many of us parent as if we have endless days to teach our kids how to be well adjusted independent adults. As parents our days might be long, but the years are short. Even Moses (who had a long life) says in Psalm 90: ‘Teach us to number our days, so we may gain a heart of wisdom.” We need to parent with the end in mind and nothing beings more focus than a deadline. We are all given the same number of days to teach our kids. From the day your child is born you have 6 552 days before the outside world will treat them as responsible, independent adults. That’s 936 weeks!!! As a mother of a 13-year-old son, I have 260 weeks help him become ready, prepared and equipped so he can success in life. This brings focus and makes me want to be more intentional about identifying and working towards the qualities I need him to learn. Why don’t you just take a moment and use your phone’s calculator to work out how many weeks you have left to help your child develop the skills they will need to face this wordl. Take your child’s current age, subtract it from 18 then multiply it by 52. That’s how many weeks you have….

When you look at the time remaining, it is not intended to depress you or scare you – instead my prayer is that it will be a visual reminder that will help you stop, reflect and be empowered to parent intentionally. God has rewarded us with the gift of children and it’s a gift that requires our focus, best effort and cherising.

Ash

What a privilege it is!…

What a privilege it is!…

17 May 2024 Follow my advice, my son; always treasure my commands. Obey my commands and live! Guard my instructions as you guard your own eyes. Tie...

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